Isaiah 40:28-31

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Read this and tell me it's not encouraging...I dare you!!

I'm hoping at some point to get a permanent reminder of this verse in some form. Just haven't decided yet. It was, is, and will always be my favorite Bible verse. It has meant more to me in my life than everything.

What it means to me is that no matter how far I fall, no matter how bad the situation, all I have to do is give all my burdens to God and He won't just make them lighter, He'll carry them for me, He'll hold me up when I can't stand, and He'll make sure that I have strength to get through ANYTHING this world throws at me. Can you imagine the feeling of relief that assurance gives?

It's really quite amazing...

Ringing my own doorbell...

Have you ever had to ring your own doorbell? I had to yesterday...

I went to pick my kids up for the day and didn't feel comfortable walking into my own damn house because I don't know if thats "kosher" considering my situation. I felt very odd as I walked up to my house and rang the bell and had my oldest son answer the door. I didn't like it one bit, but I guess thats all part of the "you'll get used to it" that I always hear.

It was a tough day for me yesterday, I'm not sure exactly why either. I know it probably had something to do with me having the kids and then having to give them back, but I don't think that was all of it. I spent most of the day yesterday with people who helped shape me into what I am today. It was the 100th anniversary of my church and the entire morning service and the evening dessert get together were filled with old stories, long time friends and mentors, and lots of memories of how things used to be.

I got to hug the first youth pastor I ever remembered after not seeing him for almost 25 years. I got to see people that raised me up in the church and some of the kids I grew up in VBS/church camp with. I also got to have lunch with my kids, my Mom, my Gpa Berrey & wife, my Gma Wilkins, Aunt and Uncle, and my sister. Gpa Berrey and his wife drove over 2 hours to get here from their home, but they were on special invitation since he used to pastor the church. It was all in all an awesome day with my family.

So why did I cry a bit while I was sitting at my computer doing a whole lot of nothing later that night? I dunno...I really don't. Feel free to guess, maybe it will help.

Anywho...enough of this pity party. I'm gonna eat some food and try to enjoy my night.

Welp...guess that means it's really over...

I have been officially removed as my wifes #1 friend on Myspace.com. Hell, I'm not even in her top friends. I think in some countries thats all you have to do to finalize a divorce. Anyways, more later...

The first of many...

So what with all the changes that will be taking place in my life over the next few weeks/months/years, I thought it would be a good idea to try and put some of my thoughts "down on paper" so to speak.

To completely explain my current situation would be rather complex, so I'll sum it up in as few words as possible.

Last week me and my wife of nearly 10 years decided to separate. At this point, I'm not sure if it's permanent or not, bigger miracles have occured, but several things lead me to believe that it will be a permanent thing. I won't go into details, mainly because some of them are just guesses, but I like to think I have a pretty good sense of what is going on.

It's a wierd feeling not to be living in my house anymore, I went to pick up my kids for some "daddy time" last night and found myself wondering if I should knock on my own door or just walk in like normal. I decided the latter and it went ok, I'd assume that will change fairly fast though. This was the first time I'd seen my chilluns since they had gone to Cascade with mom a week and a half ago so I needed to spend some quality time with them and also talk to them about what was going on and why daddy wasn't at home.

My 5 year old could care less at this point, I don't think he can understand whats going on, my 10 year old picked up on it right away though. I asked him if he knew what a divorce was and he said, "It's like breaking up right?" Anyways, the talk went pretty well, I did my best to reassure him that I would be around as much as I could and that things would calm down after a bit. He seemed a little down about it, but thats nothing to be surprised about. The hardest part was trying to explain the "why" to him. The best I could come up with was "it's because mom and dad have certain things that they disagree on and decided to do this instead of fight about those things forever." Something like that anyway.

It's an odd feeling and an odd place for me to be. Everybody I talk to seems to think I should be suicidal or drinking myself to sleep while craying in a corner. I try to tell them that I'm really doing ok and they think I'm superhuman or just not very emotional. I just don't see much reason to dwell on the negative things and would rather push forward and get thru the hard times rather than prolong them. I don't think thats too weird, but I guess one mans "normal" is another mans "weird".

Anyways, I'm staying with my sister until details get ironed out. We'll see what happens after that. If you know me and read this, please "encourage" me to keep posting here as I would like it to become a habit.

Listen to it...then respond in comments

Heres a link if the video here isn't working for you.
http://www.virb.com/swoutfitters/videos/35184

Procrastination...

Meh...this is boring...I'll do it later.

Simplicity...Paradise Lost??

As I was sitting in a restaurant tonight enjoying a meal and the antics of the waitstaff picking up drinks close to where I was dining, my mind began to wander and think of how wonderful things were before the "more more, better better" mindset took over.

I remembered when I went to work, served customers food, and then went home and didn't worry about checking email, getting cell calls either early in the morning or late in the evening, or any of the other stuff us "successful" people worry about these days.

Sometimes I'd like to just move to a small town, get a decent job, and just live the simple life. As it is, the more money I make, it seems like the less I actually get to keep and the less I actually get to enjoy the simple things. I'm always concerned about bills getting paid, projects at work, projects at home...hardly ever focusing on what I, and every other person has been called to do, and just enjoy life.

I watched people in the restaurant tonight...people that were laughing, talking, or just simply enjoying somebody elses company, and I was overwhelmed by how easy it is to forget about the simple things in life. Things like a man in a wheelchair thanking you sincerely for getting a door for him, listening to the bartender chuckle when a customer asks for a double because the in-laws are in town, watching an older man put his arm around a server that tried to let him go in front of him and thank him for his politeness, and just watching people enjoy themselves.

I find myself being envious of the people who enjoy this simplicity...envious of the joy it brings them to know that they can just relax and enjoy what they do without worrying about much else.

I love working for Chad, it's amazing, it really is. I can go to work and talk to my friend if I need to, but rely on the backup of my boss if I have to. I can set my own hours and control what I do and when I do it, but something is missing...

I always say that I work with the computers for free...that I get paid to deal with the people, and to a point, it's true. I love working with computers, I love fixing things when they go wrong, but something is missing...