The first of many...

So what with all the changes that will be taking place in my life over the next few weeks/months/years, I thought it would be a good idea to try and put some of my thoughts "down on paper" so to speak.

To completely explain my current situation would be rather complex, so I'll sum it up in as few words as possible.

Last week me and my wife of nearly 10 years decided to separate. At this point, I'm not sure if it's permanent or not, bigger miracles have occured, but several things lead me to believe that it will be a permanent thing. I won't go into details, mainly because some of them are just guesses, but I like to think I have a pretty good sense of what is going on.

It's a wierd feeling not to be living in my house anymore, I went to pick up my kids for some "daddy time" last night and found myself wondering if I should knock on my own door or just walk in like normal. I decided the latter and it went ok, I'd assume that will change fairly fast though. This was the first time I'd seen my chilluns since they had gone to Cascade with mom a week and a half ago so I needed to spend some quality time with them and also talk to them about what was going on and why daddy wasn't at home.

My 5 year old could care less at this point, I don't think he can understand whats going on, my 10 year old picked up on it right away though. I asked him if he knew what a divorce was and he said, "It's like breaking up right?" Anyways, the talk went pretty well, I did my best to reassure him that I would be around as much as I could and that things would calm down after a bit. He seemed a little down about it, but thats nothing to be surprised about. The hardest part was trying to explain the "why" to him. The best I could come up with was "it's because mom and dad have certain things that they disagree on and decided to do this instead of fight about those things forever." Something like that anyway.

It's an odd feeling and an odd place for me to be. Everybody I talk to seems to think I should be suicidal or drinking myself to sleep while craying in a corner. I try to tell them that I'm really doing ok and they think I'm superhuman or just not very emotional. I just don't see much reason to dwell on the negative things and would rather push forward and get thru the hard times rather than prolong them. I don't think thats too weird, but I guess one mans "normal" is another mans "weird".

Anyways, I'm staying with my sister until details get ironed out. We'll see what happens after that. If you know me and read this, please "encourage" me to keep posting here as I would like it to become a habit.